I had weaved and waffled all week – was this the type or size dog our family wanted? Was this the time? I’d overly bent a good friend’s ear about it. To her credit, she saw more reservations than excitement. What’s the hurry, she asked? Do it on your terms and timetable.
The doors to the world of the wild Self are few but precious….
As sentimental as I am about libraries, I confess these days to feeling really outdated reading library books in public as people open e-readers and tablets. I think – aren’t I saving trees too – re-using a book rather than buying one? In my book club of more than 20 years, I’m one of the only remaining members who still checks out library books.
Letting go gives us freedom….
We can learn about ourselves in many ways, by doing all kinds of things. We learn by interacting with people, by taking on new roles, by doing different kinds of work. But in my life, sitting down and being with me–not distracting myself with music, or books, or TV, or screens, or my thoughts–has been the hardest, bravest, and most rewarding.
Perhaps in this new year, I can resolve to be open to what follows, to where another chapter leads.
It’s of no use to look back….
I have suffered for years. I have endured betrayals and job losses and the pain of love and the absence of love. Seeing what others need and taking care of them comes naturally to me, but it doesn’t come as naturally to nurture my own needs. I have not been very good at being there for me.
Each time a big change comes in my life, I have a tendency to focus on loss instead of gain. The loss of time, the loss of comfort, the loss of mental space.
Maybe that’s why I clung to my name. I needed some daily reminder that here I was, that no matter what I was doing or not doing, it was me, me doing it.
Differing views and values, past grievances and loss, can strain the best of us. It’s no wonder that some people stay estranged rather than try to understand, or to forgive. In the end, people can only decide this for themselves.