Letting go gives us freedom….
Perhaps in this new year, I can resolve to be open to what follows, to where another chapter leads.
It’s of no use to look back….
Differing views and values, past grievances and loss, can strain the best of us. It’s no wonder that some people stay estranged rather than try to understand, or to forgive. In the end, people can only decide this for themselves.
As I returned this week and picked up where I’d left off at home, I realized that the dichotomous nature of my life on the road is mirrored elsewhere. I feel caught between two selves – the capable and more present one needed by my aging parents, and the increasingly separate and less capable one in my kids’ worlds, especially their digital ones.
If thousands of these wondrous flowers could be their perfect selves, there was hope for a broken twelve-year-old girl.
It’s time we let them go, I said. And I really meant it. I felt as if I were saying this for the first time. It wasn’t easy – as obvious as it seems. But it felt honest, and okay.
With conscious effort, I strive to harness both sadness and happiness. The sadness is on the fringe always, but the joy, an abundance of it is hovering, like a guide leading me through the darkness. When I do experience this joy, I acknowledge it. In some ways I try to bottle it up, like a genie, calling on it in times of restlessness and anxiety.
I thought church was about God. And it is. But as much as it is about God and the holy, it is also a human institution. Even though my elders lived it, because I didn’t feel it, I didn’t understand that church also is about relationship and community.
Life impresses me. It has a way of putting us in the circumstances we most wanted to avoid. I finally realized I’m not supposed to run.